Blame it on the Alcohol
by lNightWriterl
Summary: Four times Loki was drunk and one time he wished he was.


**~O N E~**

The first time he did it, he really shouldn't have been. However, Loki had been weighing the decision back and forth in his mind for some time and decided that if Thor was old enough, than so was he. Honestly, his brother wasn't _that_ much older than him by any means. Besides, what was the worst that could happen? It couldn't be _that_ bad, right?

As it turned out… It could.

There had been a festival, Loki remembered that much, and as usual no one had been paying him much attention, leaving the youngest royal to indulge himself on the red wine and mead. At the first couple of sips, Loki had to admit he was sorely disappointed. It tasted of nothing but sour grapes, which wasn't nearly as impressive as others made it out to be. Deciding to go for a second glass (just so he could at least _pretend_ he liked it for his own sake) he discovered that it wasn't so bad. Slowly the taste began to get better, leaving him feeling so light that he couldn't help but smile at satisfaction with the drink. He couldn't _believe_ his family had tried to deny him of this before! It was so intoxicating. The taste was now sweet, and it numbed his lips so much he could almost pretend a single lie had never passed through them.

At that point he wasn't for sure how many glasses he had drank any longer. Four? Five? Six? A dozen? Did it really _matter_? As long as he had a bit more, he would be fine. He suddenly didn't care. The neglect that had been gnawing at him was gone, the insecurity along with it. He no longer was out of place, a silver fish swimming among gold. He was just…There.

That was until the glass in his hand no longer was.

"What are you _doing_?" a voice hissed in his ear, and Loki frowned, trying to figure out how he knew this person. They sounded oddly familiar…

Within the swirl of colors he turned blankly to the person who for some reason felt the need to grab his arm like a child, and tried to digest the face.

Livid blue eyes (Or was it just one eye?) were focused on him, but he couldn't remember why they would be so angry. Or why he would even care whether or not these eyes were happy. Apparently the sober side of his mind did though, because a plunge of guilt and panic was sent through his body.

Then it was gone, and he was suddenly on a bed (which may or may not been his own, he wasn't for sure) with no more wine.

"Where did it go?" he asked, sounding slightly slurred and the blue eyes (he still couldn't focus on the rest of the face) turned sharply to him.

"Where did _what_ go, brother?" came the flat response and Loki suddenly smiled, now knowing who was in front of him.

"Thor!" he beamed and the rest of his brother's face swam into view, looking irritated, exasperated, and slightly amused all in one.

"Yes Loki?" he asked and Loki looked around him curiously, now understanding that they were in his chambers.

"Where… Where is the wine?" he asked, licking his lips at the idea of more.

"You mean the vile substance you were told _not_ to drink?" Came Thor's quick response and Loki shrugged.

"You can have it, can you not?"

"I am the elder prince. There is much difference."

"Not really."

"Must you always be such a child?"

"You treat me as such." Loki grumbled and laid back on the bed petulantly, choosing to ignore the caterwauling yells come from the party that he had been snatched from. Blinking slowly, he noticed that roof was becoming an interesting array of colors. The lines on the ceiling no longer next to one another, but crossing back and forth, making his head spin quickly.

Groaning, he laid on his stomach to avoid the throbbing, and heard a light hearted chuckle coming from the doorframe.

"You laugh at my pain?" he asked, his voice even more slurred as he spoke into a pillow.

"It is well deserved. Sleep brother, I am sure you will need it." Thor told him with a roll of his eyes and Loki sat up, looking worriedly at him in a rare moment of frantic clarity.

"Will you tell Mother and Father?" he asked worriedly, his drunken state taking away that silver tongue and façade of nonchalance he prided himself on.

"Not tonight." Came a wary response and Loki felt his teeth catch his lips and heard an exasperated sigh. "No, I will not. Go to sleep." Came an annoyed snap and Loki grinned, laying back down until he heard the door close gently. Sitting back up he looked interestedly at his spell books.

Hmm…

* * *

"You _fool_!"

"Your yelling is _not_ helping the situation!" Loki groaned, grabbing his pounding head. He looked pitifully at the liquid remedy in his brother's hand for a moment before giving a desperate swipe at it. His movements were unfortunately clumsy though, and Thor barely had to move his hand to keep it out of his reach.

"Do you think you deserve this?" he asked incredulously with the vestige of pity. "What were you-"

"I don't know!" Loki exploded "I can't even remember! Just give me the damn bottle!" he hissed, not in the mood to argue with an obstinate Thor.

"You made at least a thousand copies of yourself." Thor told him darkly "Each of them causing the same amount of mischief _one_ you can commit. It is remarkable Asgard is still standing!"

There was a pregnant pause in which Loki tilted his throbbing head for a moment.

"So…Everybody knows?" he finally choked out and Thor rolled his eyes.

"No."

"How-"

"Do not ask me." His brother interposed with a groan "I'd rather not get into that."

Despite his exhausted expression, Loki couldn't help but note with much annoyance there was an intimation of his usual pride and supercilious manner that he managed to come up with a solution. It melted though, into something much more strident when Loki attempted to grab the bottle again.

"Do not do that again."

"Don't boss me around."

"I have every right. I shall repeat myself once more. Do not do that again."

"Be honest brother, do you do everything you're told?" he asked and Thor smirked with a snort.

"No." he grinned impishly and Loki narrowed his eyes.

"Then why should I?" he argued, finally gaining possession of the bottle and chugging it down in hopes to clear his pounding mind.

"Because you're my brother." Came the punctilious reply.

"_You_ don't listen to _me_!"

"Because you're my _younger_ brother." Thor amended and looked heavenward at Loki's angered expression. "And I do listen to you Loki. I trust you more than anyone else in all of the nine realms, you know that."

"It is not bright to lie to the God of lying."

"For as clever as you are, you are amazingly stupid."

"I take offense to that."

"I take offense to the fact you would drink after told not to."

"Does god of mischief mean nothing to you? Do you even know whom you are speaking to?"

"My idiotic little brother who has no self-control." Thor snapped and leveled his fiercest glare on him. "If you want to give orders one day, you must learn to obey them."

"You will be king, not me. I need not to worry over that." Loki sighed with slight envy.

"You think I plan to have you around to annoy me after my coronation?" Thor laughed "I hope you realize I plan to actually _work_ with you."

"As what?" Loki asked blankly and watched as his brother shrugged.

"Whatever you want. Given that you are not intoxicated." He added and Loki sighed, seeing that this was not going to be let go anytime soon.

"Fine, fine." He waved impatiently "I will wait… Promise." He smiled evilly and Thor nodded, turning away. "How do you not know I'm lying?" Loki frowned, hurrying to catch up to him.

"Because you're not."

"Maybe I am."

"You are and I will beat you with Mjolnir."

"Hitting does not solve everything… Hey brother! Has this happened to you before?"

"What?"

"This…Drunkenness. Have you experienced it before? It is interesting you know."

"Loki, it is none of your business if I have or haven't." came an annoyed reply and the younger of the two smirked.

"You have. Was it the night you slept with that peasant?"

"What!? How-? Loki!" Thor thundered and turned to stare as his brother shrugged innocently.

"What? Mother was going on about it for weeks. She was worried we were going to have _another_ heir soon. I know more than you give me credit for."

"Why must I have been cursed with such a bothersome brother?"

"Don't expect an answer. I've been asking that for years now and no one has bothered to inform me." Loki spoke smugly, pleased that the drink Thor had given him had cleared up his mind. "Hey! When I am old enough, do you think I can do all that again?"

"Don't tell me you _enjoyed_ that?"

"I enjoyed your response less." Loki told him as he made a face and his eyes wandered to the piles of goblets that had been brought into the room. "So…Can you tell me everything I did? Did I manage to sneak into one of the secret chambers?"

"No, but you tongued a tree."

"Never mind."

**~T W O~**

The second time had been half out of guilt and half anger.

Loki, still young, but an adult had never been thrilled or enthralled by the heat of battle like Thor, but nevertheless went on every single expedition there was to go on. He trained, he fought, and he may have not been a warrior by any means, but he got the job done.

Which was why he had felt such intense fury when his _foolish, thickheaded_ sibling informed him he would be staying locked away like a coward.

"What is this _madness_?" he yelled, his hands clenched and face flushing red with defiance. "What do you mean 'You are not going?' I fail to see your say in the matter!" he ground out and Thor, again looking exasperated, summoned his hammer.

"I do not have time to argue with you brother. Stay here. This battle is large."

"So?" the younger royal demanded "Does it matter if the battle is large or small? I can fight either way!"

"You are not ready yet! Do not act like a child. If you wish to be a fool, do it on someone else's time." His brother snapped at him and turned away with a final glare, leaving Loki to fume.

"I _hate_ you!" he called venomously after him, but Thor didn't even bother to turn.

Part of him almost went that day just to spite him. However, that was quickly dismissed considering his parents must have been informed that he was imprisoned and stayed with him throughout the remainder of the day. Loki came close to tricking them once or twice, but he had never had the heart to do such a thing to his mother, so he simply pouted quietly, trying to dismiss the unappreciated feelings.

They had been waiting for nearly a day when the rest of the warriors appeared.

Thor was not with them.

Gone. That was all they really said. He had disappeared sometime during the battle and when they had won, he was nowhere to be found.

Not a body. Not his hammer. Nothing.

Loki's body had gone cold and rigid. He could tell people were talking to him, telling him something or another, but he honestly wasn't listening. He simply brushed them off of him and went to his chambers, unable to hear another voice.

His brother was dead.

Where was the bloody wine?

* * *

Thor felt as though he had been hit by at least a thousand different rocks. His body hurt, his head hurt, his _everything_ just _hurt_.

And it certainly wasn't helping that his mother was holding onto him tightly enough to pop him. He didn't comment though, because he knew the battle had been rough and he had scared her deeply with his disappearance. The enemy had caught him, but it was almost laughable at the idea they thought they could contain him.

"Go see your brother." Frigga told him, stroking his hair lovingly "He hasn't spoken since he was told of your demise."

Thor nodded, knowing his little brother would be horrified at thinking he was dead, especially after their last exchange. He knew he should have let him come along, but it was still too soon… Thor could only see him as the younger boy toddling along him, not the man he clearly was now.

Creeping into the door, he knocked lightly receiving no answer. Taking that as an invite in, he opened the door and spied his brother lying on the bed, propped up against the backboard, looking thoughtfully in the distance, a cup in his hand.

"Loki." He spoke and watched as green eyes fell on him sadly.

"You're not real." He stated simply and Thor frowned, coming closer.

"I am not a ghost. I have returned from battle." He said, waiting for the celebration, but Loki only shook his head.

"You're not real." He argued stubbornly and Thor narrowed his eyes at the slur in the words. "They told me you died."

"They were mistaken."

"_You_ were mistaken. You should have let me come. Now you're dead."

"You think you could have protected me?" Thor asked, trying hard not to sound skeptical at the idea of his little brother who could barely hold a sword, defending _him_.

"I could have tried." Loki shrugged clumsily and then green eyes, which were usually so defensive and locked off looked at him tiredly with whirls of pain. "I'm sorry." He spoke quietly and Thor walked over to him, sitting on the edge of the bed so he could grab his brother's wrist.

"I am here. See?" he demonstrated, but Loki didn't seem convinced by his touch.

"You're not real." He insisted stubbornly before glancing over him warily. "You really need a haircut." He decided and Thor made a choking sound.

"What?" he demanded, dropping his brother's hand at the comment and Loki shrugged.

"It is all long and tangled. It looks annoying."

"I've named it Loki." Thor grumbled back, pushing his hair away when the younger one tried to grab it.

"You can't. _My_ name is Loki."

"I see. You do know I was there when the name was given to you, correct?"

"How am I supposed to know? I was an infant. You're dumb." Loki told him bluntly before waving his hand around so that a small tornado appeared in his hand. "How long?" he asked quietly and Thor sighed, resigning himself to a long night of sitting with his obviously drunken brother.

"Until what?" he asked and Loki paused to give him a look that clearly said he should already know.

"Until it won't hurt anymore." He told him in a _'duh'_ tone.

"You're hurt?" Thor asked with a frown, his eyes looking him over for any signs of an immediate injury and stopped and Loki's hysterical laughter.

"No, no! You are so very dull at times brother, even when you are not real. I think I might miss that about you… I meant when will it stop hurting after you die?" He clarified.

"I'm not _dead,_ brother."

"Yes you are. Must you argue so much? I know it to be true… Do you think I could resurrect you?" he suddenly asked with awe at the idea. "That would be nice. Then when you anger me I could just kill you again and then bring you back."

"You think you could kill me?"

"There are many other ways to kill someone other than with a hammer Thor. Where do you think you got that nasty rash from anyways?" he asked with a chuckle and there was a pause.

"That was you!?"

"I snuck a potion in your tea."

"Loki!" Thor thundered "That was right before my birth celebration as well!" he added with a sulk, but Loki's mind seemed to have already drifted to a new stream of thoughts as he began absent mindedly humming something under his breath. Thor took a moment to identify it as the lullaby their mother had sang to him when they were younger, especially when one of them were upset. "I am alive." He told his brother sadly, trying to get him to understand.

"No, that is not true. I wish you were though. You think I will get kicked out of the castle now?"

"Why's that?"

"I don't know… I don't think they like me very much." Loki spoke thoughtfully "Maybe they will blame your death on me. They liked you."

"Who?" Thor asked, feeling is brow crinkle at his words, not liking the idea that Loki had those kind of thoughts in his head.

"Hmm? Brother! You are here!"

"I told you I was alive."

"No you are not. You're not real."

Groaning at the two steps back they had taken, Thor finally seemed to understand this conversation was really getting them nowhere and it was best to simply wait until morning.

"Thor?"

"Yes brother?"

"I don't hate you. Not really. You just irritate me at times." Loki informed him before cocking his head to the side. "It usually passes." Snorting, the elder royal leaned back onto the bed, figuring he might as well sleep here tonight. Knowing Loki he would wake up the next morning and continue his mourning first thing, and Thor figured he could at least save them some trouble of going through this conversation again.

"Remember when you ate that toad?"

"Are we really discussing this?" Thor suddenly groused at the memory. "You dared me to."

"It was quite hysterical." Loki yawned "Then Father told me you are what you eat and I thought you would turn into a toad. Then you threw up on Sif and she wouldn't speak to you for a week."

"I remember. Clearly."

"You don't look like a toad brother."

"That is reassuring."

"More like a dragon….With lots of hair."

"Loki, go to sleep."

"Can you breathe fire?"

"Only when I'm angry." Thor rolled his eyes "And I will be if you don't go to sleep."

"You're not the boss of me. You're dead." Loki yawned, his head falling slightly to the side on Thor's armor. "You have scales." He grumbled tiredly, prodding at the metal padding.

Thor had never gotten headaches often, but on the rare occasions they did come, he noticed it was due to one person. His brother had a gift he supposed.

"Thor?"

"What now?"

"I think I'm going to try and resurrect you in the morning. Okay?"

"I doubt you'll need to."

"I will. I always need you." Loki murmured as he finally drifted off to sleep and the elder man swallowed, not having heard those words, or anything remotely close to them since he was very, very young. Sighing, he decided to push away his pride for a moment and just run a hand through his brother's hair, knowing he couldn't hear him.

"I need you too."

**~ THREE~**

The third time Loki had ever really gotten _drunk_ was when he was quite alone. He remembered staring at his hands, expecting the blue tinged skin to come back.

It didn't.

Swallowing hard, he pulled out a goblet and took his first sip of wine.

He was a monster.

No one had ever told him.

He was a nightmare. Something to be killed.

And no one had bothered to inform him.

He was the thing that children feared most and thousands were killed by.

And he was ignorant to the fact he was one.

Feeling the bottom of his cup tilt back, he waved his hand over the top, refilling it to the brim once more. How could his family have never spoken of this? No wonder he had been so ignored, so detested. Rightfully so! He was a lowlife, disgusting being who shouldn't have even been allowed to live. Was Odin attempting to prove something here? To one day bring him back to his people and…

And what?

Slaughter them all in front of him? Taunt them with the fact he was so powerful he could even take a _monster_ and convince him that he was their son?

The humiliation of it all led to another glass. Part of him knew he shouldn't be consuming himself with so much alcohol, but the mourning part of him told him to shut up. Each gulp of the juice was like swallowing away the rejection, the embarrassment, dishonor, horror, and broken heartedness of it all.

With every word stinging, he took another gulp, smiling at the feeling he was drowning himself, barely able to breathe when he ran out again. Shaking, he refilled his goblet, trying not to notice the stench of wine was becoming overbearing as he drank more.

Did Thor know? With slight demoralization he thought about all the times as a boy he wished to be exactly like his big brother. Now he understood there had never even been a chance.

Thor was a hero. Loki was a villain. That was how they were born.

Good God, he couldn't get past it. He was a _monster_. How could his life have come to this?

At one point in his life, when he was very young, Loki might have never even cared. He would have been sure that his parents loved him either way and that his brother would stand by him no matter what because it wouldn't have _mattered_ if he was or wasn't bounded to them by blood.

Now it was different. He saw the differences, and it pained him to note that the treatment was diverse as well. That now he was unsure if his family had kept him alive for love or profit.

And _why_ pray tell, would they have told them those awful stories? The ones that Thor and he listened to on various nights? The ones that spoke of Frost Giants and how cruel, awful, and horrible they were. The horror stories of the monsters. Why would they have told them those stories _knowing_ that their child (or at last what he had assumed to be their child) was one of them!? How much more could they have tormented him!?

"Loki?" the god glanced up from his newest drink, now definitely wasted. His eyes took a moment to focus on the frame of a beautiful woman who was looking at him with such pity, Loki could have sworn he almost recognized it on her from when he was first held as an infant.

Queen Frigga advanced into the room with such caution, one would have thought the area was full of all sorts of traps.

"Hello." He breathed out, depressed as he took another long pull from his cup and stared at its emptiness before refilling it once more.

"My son-"

"Nope! Found out!" Loki laughed, almost hysterically and drank some more "Found out that you Loki'd me! I am a monster!" he sang the last sentence jovially. "And I _fell_ for it! You must feel awful clever! You tricked the trickery god!" he laughed, doubling over at the irony of it all.

"Loki, listen to me." Frigga spoke quietly and suddenly her words seemed a lot angrier than before. It seemed the alcohol was distorting her voice into an interesting tone, her words deep and menacing.

_We never wanted you. Your real family didn't even want you…Not that they were alive to give their opinion. Because Odin killed them._

"No." he breathed out painfully and Frigga gripped her son's hand in what she must have thought was comforting, but to Loki, it felt like she was shaking him violently.

"We love you, we-" _We detest you. We should have left you for death. You are nothing compared to Thor, to your father, to me. To any lowlife in this realm. Nothing. You're a monster child._

"Please." He choked out, feeling the wine spill on him as he took another desperate chug to get the voice out of his head. To get her to _stop_.

"Do not think we don't care about you-" _We care that you know we would like you to be tortured. We care that you are aware of how pitiful you are before sending you into a dark abyss. _

Suddenly, the alcohol cranked up its skill, for now he was not just with Frigga.

_When I slaughtered your family, they begged me to kill you first, they were so horrified by you._ Odin was saying tauntingly, his one eye narrowed into a look of extreme detest.

At that moment, he felt another painful tug on his arm and he looked up to see the Queen exit the room, either thinking she had gotten through to her son or understanding he would not be reasoned with in this state.

_Now look, you've even frightened Mother away._ Thor frowned and Loki swallowed hard, his hand trembling as he dumped another goblet of alcohol into his throat.

Deep down, Loki understood that these were illusions, hauntings of what he feared his family really thought come to life. Unfortunately, at this moment in time they were so real he couldn't tell.

"I-"

_Don't bother speaking monster. You are nothing but a bargaining chip, remember? Father only kept you because you may have had use. There is no need for you now._

"Brother, I-"

_Brother? Brother! You dare to call me that? You are not one of our family! You are no brother of mine! A pest maybe, but not brother. _

"I thought-"

_You thought wrong. You have no power. No use. No real need. You are here out of pity._

"That's not true."

_Is it? _

"No." Loki spoke, his voice deeply slurred by this point, shaking his head vigorously. He watched warily as his brother's form paced back and forth, like a caged animal as he attacked him.

_Are you sure?_ He asked _Because I really don't understand why else you would be here. You're no leader. You're no warrior. You're no Asgardian. _

"I am." He breathed and his Father's form chuckled from where he had been standing as Loki drank more, trying to drown out their words.

_Do you really believe that Loki Laufeyson?_

"Odinson." Loki corrected weakly and felt both of the forms look at him with dismissal.

_You are a Jotun._ Odin shrugged _So therefore there is no Odinson in your name_.

More…Loki glanced around, for his goblet. He needed _more_.

"Go away." He pleaded and Thor laughed.

_You think you could ever give orders? _

"Leave me."

_Never._

And they don't. Not then. Not when he wakes up the next day. Not ever. They stay with him right up to the point he begins to believe them.

Right when it is too late.

**~F O U R~**

The Avengers didn't appear to be all that scary. Loki had grown up with Thor, so he was pretty positive nothing could be more terrifying than being dragged out of bed early in the morning to fulfill one of his brother's quests of peril. If he could deal with _that_, a man incased in metal shouldn't have bothered him.

Nevertheless, he had been caught by them, currently trapped in a very large glass container and left with the analogy 'boot and ant' which made little sense. In Asgard, the ants were the size of large shrubs. Surely no boot could squash that? Loki just decided to take it as an insincere compliment and move on.

As far as prisons went, this one was quite nice. A little dull perhaps, with a horrid amount of privacy, but still nice. They gave him food, water, a thing called…Magazine…Which was nothing more than dull readings of people he had never heard of, and anything else he might ask for (well, not everything, but close to it). When he had asked for some wine, sarcastically, he hadn't expected the sheer amount of obedience. Another reason these people needed a ruler. Who would give their prisoner alcohol? Either way, they gave it to him in glasses and never questioned him when they asked for a refill.

So overall, he was actually having a nice time.

He wasn't for sure when his mind had started to grow fuzzy, but he imagined it was sometime after he finished reading about Miley Cyrus's new music video and Tom Hiddleston gaining a role in some science fiction movie (which seemed oddly familiar).

No matter when, it didn't change the fact that by the time Thor came in, his mind was gone.

"You have a drinking problem brother." Came the dull response and Loki smiled. He must have taken quite a lot considering over the years he built a strong tolerance for the stuff. Asgardians were rather fond of their wine and mead after all, and it was very rare that they really got drunk after the first couple centuries of their lives.

"Only been this bad three other times." He mumbled and Thor rose his eyebrows.

"And I have been fortunate enough to be present for three of them." He frowned and Loki smirked.

"Four. Kind of. I saw you at least." He confessed and if that last comment confused the thunder god, he didn't let on, instead opting to edge in a little closer, his eyes taking in his brother's features.

"Why?"

"Don't start with me." Loki laughed "Oh, don't start! You, of all people Thor Odinson, know _why_." He chuckled and Thor paused, coming closer to the glass.

"No. I do not brother. And you, Loki Odinson, are going to explain it to me."

"Don't call me that. I am not your brother and not an Odinson." Came the angry reply. "And if you don't know why you are obviously more of a whim than I originally thought."

"Power? Father's recognition? Mine? Help me understand!"

"For what purpose!? What could _you_ do about it!? What have you _ever_ done for me?" Loki snarled nastily as he drank more, leaning against the glass casing as his eye sight began to go fuzzy.

"I would do anything for you!" Thor roared "All you ever had to do was shove aside your pride and ask! Did becoming king really mean _that_ much to you? Was being my equal really worth the terror you're raining down on a place I love?"

"Don't act so noble. Your sickening arrogance has always been concerned about one thing- yourself. I never needed you of course, but even if I did I couldn't have come to you. Not without some sort of retribution or way of you holding it over my head."

Thor swallowed, his eyes closing in anger at both his foolish sibling and himself. He had been such a fool. A horrible thing to let his brother slip into this dark abyss with no way of getting out.

"I won't hold a thing over you now." He offered, though he already knew it was no use. Watching closely he saw that he was at the stage where Loki had no control over his tongue any longer.

"Perhaps." Came the short reply "But I can see the pity. The disgust."

"The pity is correct, but the disgust does not hold for you." He swallowed and watched an interested expression cross Loki's face.

"Then whoever for? Certainly not for your precious teammates." He laughed, obviously amused at the fact Thor was working with someone who was not of Asgardian descent. "Not for any midgardian whom you seem to adore, not for Mother I should hope…Is it the mighty Odin then? For not leaving me to die on that rock? Good choice." He nodded and the elder of the two let out a scoff of incredulousness.

"The disgust is for myself brother, for letting you go down this path of madness."

"I am not. Your. Brother."

"Even your silvertongue cannot sell that lie to me."

"This is one truth I speak. I have never been your brother." Loki slurred and shook his head "It is ever so obvious looking back on it. The favoritism, the differences, the magic." He sighed "I was a freak the whole time. Perhaps that was my greatest achievement yet. Convincing myself I belonged. At least for a little while."

"I think you have lied to yourself so much you no longer can separate true and false." Thor spoke coldly, finally sliding down the glass so he could at least see his brother eye to eye.

"You do know I'm going to kill you, right?" came the depressed response "Or at least try."

"No you won't."

"Yes. I will. I apologize beforehand. My only hope is that you are not so much of a whim to let me get away with it alive."

"You speak as though you wish death."

"I have wished death the moment I let go of Mjolnir. It is much too bad I hadn't received it yet."

"Well don't expect me to deliver."

"You really are a fool." Loki laughed, his voice bouncing off the walls. He twirled his glass in his hand with another sigh before leaning his head against the wall. "Do not expect me to reveal any plans of mine son of Odin. I suspect that is why I have been so sweetly offered this drink." He raised the glass "But even in a state of dumbness I will not reveal more than you should ever know."

"I did not come here for them."

"Let me guess, was it for me?" he chuckled again "Thor…I really am going to try and kill you. Please understand that and do try to defend yourself the best you know how."

This was the point where Thor knew he had enough, standing up to leave he gave one last searching look before turning away.

"You will not win Loki. And I will not kill you. If you try to smite me, I will know you have warned me, but I am taking you back to Asgard with your heart still beating, as cold as it may be."

"Cold as it may be? Funny thing to say to a frost giant." He laughed and Thor felt his eyes close once more before exiting the chamber.

The next time he visited, the younger man did not speak a single word.

**~+ O N E~**

Loki was bored.

Which as a child, would make even the bravest warrior tremble because everyone knew that if Loki Odinson was bored, there would be something quite eventful coming to light.

Now? As an adult he just lay, Loki Laufeyson, forgotten and invisible as he watched the scene unfold beside him.

"This makes no sense!" Steve was saying "We should have died, we should have _all died_!" he yelled as the iron guy rolled his eyes.

"I'm personally not complaining." He said "Though I would like to know how we weren't killed by those…Things."

"They come from a planet out of the nine realms." Thor spoke up quietly "I do not know how we survived."

Oh, how dearly would Loki have liked to raise his hand and say 'you're welcome', but figured he would just killed…Again.

It had been many months since of his supposed death, and while he wasn't for sure how he was alive, he decided to keep the whole thing quiet for now. When one thinks he's dead, he would be left alone.

And also free to make sure no more harm came to those he… Didn't want to see dead. Yet.

Perhaps his redemption would come from helping these Avengers.

Loki didn't regret too much; not really. He didn't feel a thing towards the men he killed on Midguard, and it would be foolish to say he lost sleep over it.

That is not to say there weren't times where he…Well, where he heard screams. Screams he put there and wonder _why_.

He wasn't looking for forgiveness. Nor acceptance. Nor anything of that sort really. The Jotun had accepted himself as nothing more than a broken figure of what could have and should have been. Strong, yes. Smart, absolutely. A good man? Not in any way possible, and nor would he try.

He just wanted to see the world at peace once more. To die knowing his brother was alive and anyone else he still cared for as well.

Nothing. Nothing more.

"Well, as of right now it looks as though we have a secret accomplice." Banner broke in "The question is who are they and why they are hiding."

"Wonderful questions. Anyone have the answer?" Stark asked "No? No idea who saved our asses today?"

There was no answer and once more Loki resisted the urge to comment on the manner. His younger, more playful self would have so much fun in this scenario. He could already see it. Him purposely whispering things in their ears, making discreet noises, and using small bits of magic as he tried to hold in his laughter. He would have had an especial amount of fun with Thor. His brother would of course, know it was him, and Loki would enjoy giving his friends new embarrassing facts about that Asgardian, seeing the lethal look the older demigod got whenever Loki did something to annoy him.

Too bad that _that _Loki was gone. Sometimes there were whispers of him, streaks of him within a never ending starry sky of lies and betrayals that made up this new Loki.

There were times where he actually _missed_ the old Loki, and occasionally sought him out through drinks. He would pour mead and wine down his throat until the flickers of him returned. Missing his family and the land he had called home. Missing his brother and his friends (_brother's friends- No, Thor's friends…Never his)_. Missing his life. That life. The life that should have never been.

Today was not one of those days though, and old Loki was locked nice and tight behind mental walls in a prison where a weakling like him should be kept. New Loki was so much more adept to getting to what he wanted and not allowing emotions to get in the way.

It would be so easy…To kill them all right now. Slice Thor's throat first. Take out the main threat. Then the man of the iron suit before he had a chance to get his weapons on, and moving towards the redhead who would be the most threatening. Then to Barton, and the Hulk (who would just now be getting over the confusion and fear and turning angry), then to Shield wielder. It would be a tough fight, but the Spangled man would have none of his alliances, and with morals like his, could perhaps easily be manipulated.

God, they were making it so _tempting_…But he couldn't. If Thanos were to take over, he would insist upon ruling and while the war would cause chaos for a few years, it would stop once the monster gained power and won. Then everyone would simply be a mindless slave with no rebellion…

At least in this world there was chaos.

And Loki liked chaos. He really did.

"I don't think we should worry so much about the person that's _helping _us, more than the person who's attacking us." The redhead bit off. Loki had liked her. She was clever, and a skilled liar, getting the better of him when he was encased in glass. He known she had been like him once, but instead of turning more evil she simply turned…Good.

Oh how simple he was becoming. Labeling people as good and evil now.

"Help rarely ever comes without a price." The Captain spoke seriously, running a hand through his hair. His eyes weren't on his comrades, but merely focusing on the silver table in front of them, as if the answer laid somewhere within the intricate composition of the metal. It was ironic that if were to look up straight ahead, he would find the answer.

That is, if Loki allowed himself to be seen.

"I would like to pay this bill first before worrying over the next." Natasha told them "We need to plan. Evacuations, negotiations, recruiting, intel- This is _war_." She snapped at them all, clearly meaning business. Old Loki would have loved this. Making plans had always been almost a hobby for him.

"What's so funny?" the girl asked harshly at Thor's saddened scoff.

"Nothing." Came the short reply, but there was no hiding the flash of pain. He was thinking of his brother as well. How he would have thrived right now with endless information at his fingertips as he went to defeat the enemy.

It was the kind of look that made Loki wish he was visible.

He wasn't though, and shouldn't be. He was here to ensure they did their jobs correctly, that is all. After that? He would disappear. Maybe appearing once more to kill them and take over or maybe appearing several times to aid a different ally in conquering. Maybe the next time he saw Thor, the brute would be on his knees.

Old Loki wouldn't have wanted that, but old Loki wasn't here right now. Old Loki was within a bottle of mead, only to be opened on the darkest days when he actually felt what he was doing.

Old Loki was something that he could never remember fully again.

Or something he would never forget.

* * *

**A/N: So...Yep. I actually have nothing else to really say other than thanks for reading! I've been on a Loki binge for awhile and I'm simply in love with him, so all of this needs to get out of me. Especially this Loki/Thor bromance thing because it breaks my heart and I have all these FEELS! Oh, the problems of a fangirl :P lol so yeah, I hoped you liked it, tell me if you didn't... I'm always looking for ways to improve so if you see a grammar thing or just an overall tip please tell! I am no stranger to any kind of criticism. **

**Umm...Oh, one other thing. This may be weird, but if you know of any good bromance stories between these two can you tell me? lol, Ik i'm weird, but I need this site to keep me sane with all my fangirl rage. Thanks!**

**-Kensi**


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